day 7 - think we'll 'ave a look outside then

let's paint a scene. what would normally be a quiet saturday afternoon. instead, my otherwise silent neighbor has chosen today to be 'boom-boom' day. so for hours, beginning at the respectable time of noon or so, my apartment has been the car next to the booming trunk of funk, shaking from the bass tones bumping next to me. the only difference is i'm parked next to that car. so this isn't going to end when the light changes.

otherwise it's a good day. really good. the sun is shining. i've got a social engagement later and enough time this afternoon to be productive and be leisurely about it. my little ones are growing and that's best part of the day. 'arold's been the strongest, or at least tallest, so far. i'll need to move them into larger homes soon. tomorrow, i'll name the others. but for now, i'm content to let them grow.

and let me grow with them. stop pushing myself so hard. stop letting beautiful days pass me by. stop allowing my obsession with accomplishment and work to push the beauty out of my life. cultivate beauty. forget the boom-boom music and enjoy the fact that i'm alive, i'm here, and i've got the most beautiful and inspiring city in the world at my behest. and my little ones about to join me.

there's 'arold peeking outside. clearly ready to take on the world. to prove himself.

day 5 - they grow up so fast!

for the first 4+ days of this venture, the lack of visible results led to much second-guessing. of course, i didn't really expect anything right away. sure within the first week, some thing should show, but not necessarily in the first few days.

all the same, no action means i can question everything. is the cill they're on getting enough sun? should i risk moving them out to the fire escape to get more? if i do, how likely is it they'll get blown off and perish on the mix of piss. shit, cigarette ash, and general filth that is a NYC sidewalk? am i watering enough? too much? did i put the seeds far enough into the soil?? did i leave the iron on? is the home run record the most important in sports? when will racism finally end?

can't say when racism will end, but i got answers to most of the rest of the questions.

from left to right

happy days. ayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

day 4 - "jus cuz we's sugah babies, don't mean we's weak"

since he was the first named, 'arold deserved to be the first to speak, openly, publicly, about his time as a seed. it's a true horatio alger story of a young seed who started life in a dark corner of leeds and now seeks his fortune in the financial capitol of the world. not without hardship and trial, his is ultimately a story of pluck and luck that should inspire all.

q. 'arold, first let me say what a pleasure it is to have you here.

a. s'a pleasure mate.

q. what is your earliest memory?

a. i wuz mebbe a few days old. i was in me mum and i recall feelin a sudden col' breeze. turnt out, someone was bitin inta 'er.

q. my word. you were almost chewn in half.

a. 'at's right, lad. me first memory is almos' dyin. but uh, obviously, i lived.

q. how did you survive? how did you flee death's grasp?

a. was a freak accident really. da bite opened the skin next ta me and i slid out. fell to da floor. i wuzn't 'urt, but i wuz dazed. nex ting i know, i was bein picked up between two fat fingers. den placed in a bag.

q. monsey?

a. yeah. monsey. da bastard what sold me inta dis.

q. describe him, if it's not too painful.

a. 'airy. sweaty. fat. lord 'e was fat. 'is thumbs smelt like fish 'n' chips. gettin inta dat bag was a deliverence really. coulda died in that pinch.

q. and why had monsey pinched you?

a. turns out 'e was collectin seeds to sell dem.

q. so the stories of the black market in seeds are true.

a. dey is. dey is.

q. what horror you must have seen. after you were..."collected"...where then?

a. off to a processin plant in the carribean. i wuz alone even dough i was piled onta and unda dousands of otha seeds. i still didn't know where me mum was, where me brothers and sisters was. only that dere was no one i knew. and dat i was alone.

q. and what did they do to you in this plant?

a. s'prisinly, nuthin harsh, by my standards. i felt more fear in monsey's fingers than in the plant. all dey cared 'bout was movin ya 'long to da next step. quick in. quick out. no time ta waste abusin ya.

q. the out? where was that?

a. a packet. an envelop wit otha seeds. from all ova. california. ecuador. australia. learnt a lot from those blokes.

q. we're running out of time for this segment, so tell me, what is it like for you to be on a cill in manhattan? is it challenging?

a. nah. reminds me o' home sometimes. blokes in suits. birds in heels. but what i do 'ate is da judgement. i mean, jus cuz we's sugah babies, don't mean we's weak. but lots of people tink we can't grow 'ere. i promise ya. we will.

so our first glimpse into 'arold's perspective. fascinating. we'll have more time to sit down with him, and rest assured, there is much more to his story than this.

goodnight, leeds.

day 3 - the global branding campaign begins

the word is out in the community that the watermelons are on their way. diplomatic ties have established with the holy see. propaganda pamphlets are being dropped over berlin and tokyo as i type these words. we have set up myspace and facebook sites for the kids to keep up with their favorite melon. twitter feeds across the globe are spasming with updates and #namemymelon news. next up, pending deals with disney for the 3D animated story of the melons and duets with the jonas brothers and bruce springsteen (think 'born to run' without motorcycles and suicidal ideation).

we have a nomination from damien for dinsdale as the next name. damien is clearly a nerd and a python fan as well. the dinsdale sketch was about the pirhanha brothers, doug and dinsdale. dinsdale had paranoid fears of being pursued by an imaginary(???) hedgehog. i like the direction this goes toward, and i wonder if 'spiny norman' might be a better name. damien, what do you think?

no real action yet in the cups as you can see below. but watermelon growing isn't for the impetuous, the young and idle. it's a patient, mature exercise. i can hear you! "if that's so, then why are doing it??" cuz i'm adult! i dress myself and i make my own dinner! i can grow these, man.

to keep you entertained, here are some reimagined views from day 1.

beginning with the end in mind

we human beings like to see patterns. our survival, from our prehuman ancestors swimming in prehistoric oceans to the tribes roaming the savannahs of africa, has always relied on our ability to recognise likeness, similarity. that one predator looks like another, that one tasty plant is unlike the one that can kill us. we use this skill to categorise what is good for us, what works for us, against what ails us, what interferes with our welfare.

sometimes we use these perceived patterns to frame our lives and existence in narrative. we stitch together moments, memories, experiences to form linear progressions that explain how we've arrived where we are. even in the midst of these progressions, we compose these neatly arranged stories that guide our self-understanding, even if there are numerous examples of chaos and countervalent forces at play that would, rationally, render that understood self oblivious. this gives us the space to live, to enjoy living, and to make sense out of otherwise unsensed and inchoate events. without this, we would be fish, swimming without end or aim in an ocean on triviality.

thus begins this project. due to a conversation with a dear colleague, i earned the charge of raising watermelons. i know, i know...you hear that every day. "another guy with a friggin watermolen blog." but hear me out. this is not meant to be a simple record of the planting and nurturing of watermelon. this is about growth, in the metaphorical sense we humans love so much because it provides that linear definition we need to survive. herewith is the journal of the attempt to nurture apartment-sized watermelon, and perhaps in the process, nurture some personal growth.

here are the sinews of that growth. potting soil, watermelon seeds, four plastic cups, and two dishes to serve as saucers, at least until the melons (hopefully!) outgrow the cups and move into larger housings. the greatest challenge in this is growing the watermelon. the second greatest is figuring out what i'm going to with several unused pounds of potting soil. smell that? it's another blog already gestating...

the seeds and their packet. as perviously noted, the watermelons are engineered to be apt. sized. to add potential options for success, there are dozens more seeds in that packet. blogging gold.

mr. deville, my seeds are ready for their close-up. photogenic beauties, these are. when taking this picture, i imagined i was the lucky cameraman doing norma jean's screentest. the obvious star quality, the radiance so powerful it blurred the picture.

no, no, no...this knife is not intended to severe any growth before it begins. i used to puncture drainage holes in the plastic cubs, soon to house my little norma jeans. look just below, you'll see the first one...

reminds me of a severely mangled plastic face. uncleverly distorted by my knife of course. yes, i am to blame for this monstrosity. may its grotesqueness equal the beauty of the plant it will help give rise to.

did i mention they melons are a[flash!]zed? you'll never find those in a walmart. not even in japan. if there are walmarts in japan, i really hope the layout is more aesthetically pleasing. everything should exist harmoniously and in placid comfort with everything else in those stores. like the guns should never be near the greeting cards.

finally, here are the kids in their new home. their push toward life began on humid, rainy afternoon that turned into a sunny glory. i will add this to the narrative as good portent.

here is where you, my reader, join this experiment. i've named the first child, the one all the way to the right, 'arold, after the flying sheep in an episode of monty python. i feel it properly represents and signifies the odd joining of the familiar and unfamiliar in this journey. it also describes my bon fides as a total nerd. there you have it. but i need names for the other three. thus i need to name my melon. please leave any and all suggestion in the comments. let's bring these babies into the word collaboratively. let's all grow together.